I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
