Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
