just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
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