ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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