Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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