I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
my being single is dangerous.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
