I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
