dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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