I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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