i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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