I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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