That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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