i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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