tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
A+ Viking dick
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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