I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
