i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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