Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Farmville is her only friend.
do herpes really smell.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
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