420 ftw
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize