3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Yo dont text me then not text me
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
