Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
