Nicole vs. Life
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
