SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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