I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
