Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
