i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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