he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
two words: eviction party
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
