Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
