Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
