Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
