its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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