so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
That's when you crack a 10am beer
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
