please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
