I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
