I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
