I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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