Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
