I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
