what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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