you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
