..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I want to be your penis for a week.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
