oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
