were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize