My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
