Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
