I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
