it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
