Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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