i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
