i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
