I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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