she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
