As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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