:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
