you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
