is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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