yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
