Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
