Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
