I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
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