So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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