I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
