and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
The cops high fived after they tackled you
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
