you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
