Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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