Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize