If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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