so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
